Our Adoption Story
We were thrilled, we started looking for baby girl things and started picking out names. We talked to birth mom often. We matched in January, and felt like we needed to fly out to Arizona to meet birth family in person. We flew there in March and spent some time with them. Everything still felt so right, obviously it was a little strange - I mean duh, someone was carrying a baby that we felt so connected to. It is a wild, but beautiful thing.
Fast forward 2 months and we are getting ready to meet baby girl, we had two names picked out that we loved. We had her bags packed, her room was ready, car was clean, car seat ready, everything was done. Then birth mom distanced herself, our case worker told us that this was normal. This was normal behavior for birth moms close to due date. We trusted that and understood that. We prayed daily for baby and birth mom. A couple days before the due date, birth mama texted me saying she wanted to me be in the birth room when she had her. She apologized for being distant but promised that the baby was still ours. She said she wanted me to be the first person to hold her. Being a birth photographer, it was all I ever could have imagined.
We flew out a few days before due date, knowing that birth mom had not spoken with us, we still just trusted that things would work out. We knew that getting from Alabama to Arizona is not an easy task and I needed to be there for my nerves. My mom joined us on our trip out there, I knew I would need her for all of my baby questions.
We arrived in Arizona on May 5th.
We arrived in Arizona on May 5th.
On May 6th, we shopped a bit, ate good food and toured some things. We anxiously awaited a phone call from our case worker telling us that birth mom wanted to see us before she had the baby. Instead we got a phone call that was a little different. Our case worker informed us that adopting this baby may be little trickier than we thought. Birth mom and dad had just split and birth dad had already been served (meaning his rights were taken away) however now, they were back together and he wanted to sign the birth certificate and be there when she had baby girl. Their 11 month old was removed from the home during the past month, which added so much extra stress and heartbreak to the entire situation. We knew that things would work out the way they were meant to, but honestly I was sick. I couldn't focus on anything but what the next day would look like, would she have the baby? Would we still be waiting? Worst part of all is that I found this out in the parking lot of the hospital that she as supposed to deliver. We decided to check it out just so we knew what to expect for parking and such.
On May 7th, we drove to Scottsdale to show my mom how cool the town was. We shopped, bought some special little things and decided to drive to Hole in the Rock. We pulled up, parked and got ready for a tiny hike. Our case worker called and told me to put her on speaker, her voice broke as she said, "guys, she had the baby this morning. She signed into the hospital under a different name so that we would not be notified. I am so sorry." Baby girl was born at 9:30 and this phone call took place at 5:00. Nobody knew, our caseworker just had a feeling, followed it and got the answer none of us wanted. Our hearts were broken. I will forever and ever remember the exact spot we were in the parking lot of Hole in the Rock, I will forever remember my husband and I weeping together in the front seat while my precious mama held us. The moments on the way back to the host home were some of the most raw, vulnerable and broken moments I have ever experienced in my life. Want to know how cool God is?! Our host home was a pastor and his wife, they met us at the door with open arms and just cried with us. They quickly became family. They gave us a car to drive, a place to stay and food to eat. We did not know what moving forward looked like, so we waited until we heard. We do know that baby girl was removed from moms custody and placed in hospital care until we were able to figure out if baby girl was going to us, to birth mom or to foster care.
On May 8th, we woke up and said we were going to the Grand Canyon. Plans changed quickly, the agency called and told us to head to the hospital to, "surprise" birth mom. She did not know we were in town. This day was a wild goose chase, so I will spare you all of the details. We met with birth mom, she told us that she wanted us to have baby girl. Then we drove to birth dad's hotel, he wept and told us that he wanted us to have baby girl. We left with high hopes. We were supposed to meet with them and an agency worker a couple hours later to sign everything. We got a phone call two hours later that started with, "I am so sorry, guys. The state stepped in and has custody of the baby. They said that birth mom chose for her to go into their custody, she denied having an adoption plan." I was shattered and felt at peace all at once. After that phone call, I knew that there was nothing I could do. Sure, I could try and fight it, I wanted to, but I would be fighting something that I knew I wasn't supposed to fight. We both had a peace.
On May 9th, we rested. We didn't hear anything else really. I knew that I wanted to go to the agency to talk to them face to face, to talk about what the next step looked like. As heartbroken as we were, we knew our adoption story wasn't over. We walked into the agency to be greeted with a giant hug from our case worker, we all just cried together. Y'all we were all so shattered and confused by this. We chatted about it for a bit and knew that walking alongside of a birth mother leading up to birth was not something we were willing to do at the time. So we told them to add us to their stork drop list, this is a list of families to call if they have a birth mom in labor, who wants an adoption plan.
We flew home on May 11th, the day before Mother's Day. I knew going into this adoption plan that there wasn't anything I could control, but I could control the airport scene - when we flew home. I wanted our family to be there, to be proud and to be happy to see this baby. Instead, we returned home wearing no baby carrier, no stroller, and no baby. But, our family was there with tears and big hugs. They were still there and they were proud and happy because they knew we did everything we could.
On May 13th, we were swimming at my parents house, in the hot tub matter of fact. I received a text from Lisa, our caseworker telling us that there was a birth mom in labor, it was a stork drop. She didn't know much, but she knew that she wanted us to present if we were ready. Lisa told us that baby would be full hispanic. - Side story: Alejandro & I have said since the beginning of this entire process that we pictured an African American baby. When we matched with a birth mama in January we knew that it was going to be perfect. We were going to have an African American baby girl. For 5 months, we prepped for an African American baby girl. - While contemplating if we would present on this case we kept coming back to, “but, we want an African American baby.” Thats when my sister rocked our world and said, "wait, I thought when you were in the adoption process you just had your home open to any baby that needed it." I was reminded of something Bob Goff taught me - I can’t put God in a box. He knows way more than I ever could. We decided to present still not knowing the gender, because birth mom was in active labor. I mean we had all of the girl things so I figured it was still going to be a baby girl. The case came through a few minutes later, a hispanic baby boy was born at 3pm. We went to sleep that night not knowing if we were chosen to be this baby boy's parents.
On May 14th, we went to my parents to swim for the day. We were pretty numb at this point, I mean no offense to anything going on. We just were not solely focusing on the phone call from our case worker. Around 12, we got a call - Lisa said, "put me on speaker." This time my husband, mom and sisters were in the room. She said, "I took mama J breakfast this morning and before I could even ask if she had chosen a family, she handed me your profile book and said that she wanted you guys to parent. Come get your baby boy!!" We all shouted and cried all at once, even Lisa, all the way in Arizona.
On May 15th, we flew out at 6am to meet our boy. I wore blue that day because I was about to become a boy mom. Everything was so crazy on the way. There were God winks all over the place. Our flight attendant on the first flight made small talk with us, we told her where we were headed and why. She told us about how she is a birth mom, years ago she was in an awful relationship and knew it was no place to raise her son. She placed him for adoption and learned shortly after that he had special needs. The family who adopted him, now has multiple special needs children that they have adopted. The adoptive mom even went to school to be an attorney for special needs clients. They have a non-profit and all. All of this was birthed because one sweet lady chose life for her baby boy. She did not see her son for years because it was too hard, but over the past few years she has been able to see him yearly. The flight attendant gave me a big hug as we got off the plane, she thanked us and wished us luck.
On our final fight over we got word that baby boy was being transferred to NICU for some things (things we choose to keep between our family for now) - Sometime that afternoon, we walked into a NICU room and met our baby boy. He was mad as fire when we walked into the room. I said, "hey, buddy." he took a breath, his eyes met ours, his hands wrapped around our fingers and we just cried over him. We called him one name, but switched it to Miguel because it just fit him. My mom and one of my sisters came with us to Arizona this time, they both came in to meet baby Miguel and everyone just cried together over this miracle.
We were in the NICU in Arizona for about 13 days. We met birth mom a couple days after she signed paperwork, at first she said she did not want to meet, but she changed her mind. We were not 100% on board at first because of the raw emotions that happened the week before, but how could we deny the woman who chose us to parent meeting us and seeing us together. We met and it was awkward, the first meeting was so uncomfortable, but so real. We met once more before we left to head home, almost 3 weeks later and it was the best meeting anyone could ask for. We laughed, cried and laughed some more. She kissed her boy and told us to take care of him. She told him that if he dated before he was 30, she would come down to 'bama and beat up on some girls with his mama. She called me his mama. That is adoption. This is what it was supposed to feel like.
Alejandro and I spent our anniversary giving our son his first bath, we missed my baby sister's high school graduation and the American Idol finale. My family did not get to see Miggy until he was almost a month old because things took so long for us to be cleared to come home to Alabama. However, we would not trade a single thing for the entire world.
Miguel will be one year old next Wednesday. We finalized on December 19th. His story has rocked our world, our community and our family. We are so thankful for adoption. We are thankful that God chose us to parent him.
Want to know something else thats cool? When I called our host to tell them the news about us being matched with a baby boy, their response was, "hallelujah, bring it on back" We pulled up in their driveway and the car they had borrowed for us to drive was still in their driveway. Mr. Danny said, "I knew you'd be back soon. So I kept the car here."
Want to know something else thats cool? When I called our host to tell them the news about us being matched with a baby boy, their response was, "hallelujah, bring it on back" We pulled up in their driveway and the car they had borrowed for us to drive was still in their driveway. Mr. Danny said, "I knew you'd be back soon. So I kept the car here."
Oh & we finally got that airport welcome.
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